Yep, that's how I have felt the last couple of days.  I hate to blame it on the simple fact that I am pregnant...but I'm going to anyway.  Frankly, I have no other reason.  I just feel sad. 

I was having a discussion with my husband last night about how grumpy I had acted yesterday morning.  I knew I was grumpy.  I heard myself snap at the kids.  I felt the unnecessary tension in my body and the scowl on my face.  I fought back the tears.  And yet...I didn't stop being grumpy.   

During this conversation with the hubs, I started to really think about how difficult being pregnant is.  It feels as if it takes me over.  I try to be as normal as possible because I don't want to be a crazy prego lady.  But goodness gracious, that is almost impossible.  So, when I am a crazy prego lady, it makes me feel terrible and then I feel sad about how I acted.  It's a vicious cycle.  I wish that I felt like I had more control over it. 

Now add to the insane emotions, the body issues.  Oh my goodnes, the body issues!  I know I am pregnant.  I know that changes happen.  This is my 5th pregnancy.  Believe me, I KNOW!  And I know this isn't permanent for me (cause I will work my tail off after this baby comes.)  But...I still hate it.  I hate that I can feel my thighs rubbing together when I walk.  I hate that I have to wear layering sweaters to hide my muffin top love handles. I hate that my face if filling out.  I hate that my legs are swelling to an uncomfortable size every day.  I hate that I hang out with my friends and their non-pregnant bodies and it makes me feel like an amazon woman.  And most of all, I hate that it bothers me so much and that this has so much effect on my happiness.  It makes me so sad. Oh, how I wish it didn't.  And then...I just stay sad.  I wallow in it.  Even when I am doing a million other things, the sadness is still there.  How ridiculous do I sound?  How womanish do I sound?  I get so frustrated with myself I want to punch something.  (Like a pillow, cause I would rather not brake my hand or anything.)

.DEEP BREATH.

 A baby.  That's what will come of this.  Another beautiful little girl.  A blessing.  I know that.  And yes...it is worth it.

  It's just hard and uncomfortable and one giant emotional roller coaster.  One that I will be riding for at least the next 4 months.  HA!  Who am I kidding?  As soon as this one ends, I'll be jumping on the next one.  Hello POST PARTUM!