change;

I was asking Doug the other day if I should blog about this. He answered by saying..."You blog about your life...and this is your life." So, grab a snack and get comfy cause this will take a while.

~

Adoption has been a topic of conversation for Doug and I ever since we got married. Doug is like an advocate for bringing other children into our home. I like the idea...but have been the one with hesitation. Until recently. About a month or so ago, Doug and I both started to feel very prompted to start the process. We couldn't stop thinking, or talking about it. I was even having dreams about it. We knew that we wanted to look at getting a little boy around 4 or 5 years old. We looked up agencies online, read profiles of all these little kids that wanted to be a part of a family. Most of them were siblings and there were a few that melted our hearts. Particularly a brother/sister who LOVED dirt bikes and wanted to be with a family that had them. We got teary eyed several times. We found out that there were a few steps that we needed to take to start. We needed to contact our local child services to get our home inspected and a background check. So, that was the plan.
~

A few days later (Saturday the 9th) we had just got home from a Youth snow trip at Mt. Rainer when we received a phone call. It was a cousin of Doug's who was in need of a place for her 2 children to live. Things had happened to where her and the children's dad no longer had them. They were placed in the foster care system and the parents were hoping to be able to place them with family. Doug received more details and hung up the phone. He started to explain the situation to me and I was floored as to how this had just landed in our laps...at this particular time. At a time that we had been talking about bringing other kids into our family. At a time where I was having dreams and constantly thinking about it. After discussing it a little further, I realized that I hadn't asked what gender. Two boys..ages 3 and 8 months! Crazy thing is, in my dream I dreamt that we had adopted a little baby boy and his sibling! I remember thinking in my dream that I hadn't wanted a baby, I wanted a little boy around 5!

~

Obviously this was something that we had to think, pray and consider every aspect of. We pretty much kept it to ourselves because we really didn't want other people's opinions to sway our decision. We made sure to really talk to our kids and explain the situation to them. They were very open to doing it, I think mostly because we had talked about adoption with them in the past. When I would lean more towards not taking them, all I could do was think about these two little boys, whom I didn't even know, but felt somewhat responsible for their well being. And I would shake my head at how all of this was coming to be, so how could we NOT do this? We came to the conclusion that we would take the boys. As we had been warned, things got complicated and stressful as soon as we said yes. (One of those stresses being our washing machine breaking! But thankfully my sis-in-law found us a free one that works perfectly a few days later!) We spent the next week talking with case workers, the parents, having our home inspected to make sure it was a place that the boys could be safe, filling out paper work for things like background checks, and getting more and more nervous as the reality started to settle in. It wasn't absolutely sure that we were getting them until Thursday, the 14th. We were to pick up the boys in the Seattle area on Saturday at 1 p.m. So, Saturday morning we headed to IKEA first to pick up a set of bunk beds and to have one last trip as a family of 6 for a while. After picking out the bed and trying to calm my nerves with some Swedish meatballs and french fries, we were off to meet the boys. The process went pretty smoothly. Everyone was introduced and small smiles and moments of tenderness were exchanged. We moved their stuff over, buckled in car seats and crammed all eight of us in to the Tahoe. Doug had been saying all morning that he wanted to go look at Suburbans and even put it on our shopping list. I was totally against it. We had so much to do and just needed to get back home and start getting these boys settled in. "Honey...I'm just gonna look!" 3 hours later we pulled out of the parking lot with a Suburban! Ask me how fun it was sitting in the car with 6 kids for a few hours trying to keep them from going crazy and killing each other! Eventually, we were on our way. NOTE TO SELF...when the fuel light on the new Suburban comes on get gas as soon as possible. We learned this as the car died in the middle of the freeway and coasted our way into a rest stop (thank goodness). Cell phones are amazing. Doug called up his brothers and we were rescued with 2 gallons of gas from a gas can. After filling up at the next gas station and a 'quick' trip to WalMart (Doug stayed in the car with the kids this time) we made it home. We walked in to a warm house. We had a few angels that had come and started a fire and brought us dinner, then stayed to help put beds together, clean-up, bathe kids and keep me sane! New beds, new car, new kids...it was a lot to cram into one day...too much I think.

~

The following morning was pretty awful if I can say so. Trying to get all 6 kids ready for church by 9 a.m. YIKES! But it would have been worse without one of my angels coming back to help. I can pretty much say that my emotions were out of whack. I kept thinking to myself..."What did we get ourselves into? We could have said no."

The last week has been a week of adjusting. Some are handling it better than others. Savannah has been amazing with helping and being so grown up. Jillian seems to be doing OK and has even written a song on the piano for the 3 year old that she sings to him. Payton is learning what it is like to have an annoying little brother and isn't really enjoying it. And then there is Isabelle...she isn't doing too great with it. I am sad to see her so unhappy all the time. Apparently she takes after her mother. Going from 4 kids to 6 in the blink of an eye has taken a toll on me. The baby is doing good and actually sleeps through the night. The 3 year old is having a few issues that we are trying to deal with. And pretty much everyone is sick right now! Doug, of course is doing amazing and trying so hard to make sure that I am happy and showing these boys the affection they need. This is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I know that it would be even harder without all of the love and support we have received from friends and family. Dinners have been brought over, baby clothes and food have been shared, laundry has been folded, children have been watched, flowers and candy delivered, kitchen has been cleaned, phone calls made, notes written, wood brought in, the baby has been held and fed...all by people who want to help! My heart is so full of gratitude and amazement. I don't think I have ever felt so loved.

~

I know that it will get better...not necessarily easier...just better. Doing this has already changed me. I appreciate my children so much more. They are amazing kids...really amazing. I know that it will take a lot more than a week for things to settle and a different sense of 'normal' to come back to this house. We don't know how long we are going to have these boys. Could be 6 months, could be a year. But I do know that everything is going to be just fine...eventually.