READY or NOT...

The final countdown has begun.  Only 5 days remain until I'm standing with 25,000 people awaiting the sound of the starting gun.  It makes me think back to 2 years ago when I was in that position.  I remember the adrenaline pumping through every vain in my body and the sweat in my palms.  But looking back, I was ready.  I had trained hard and put in my time.  I was there to fulfil a goal I had set for myself.  I knew I had it in me.  Even though at the time, I may not have felt it. 

Unfortunately...this time is different.

 

To say that I am nervous would be a gross understatement.  When I think about Saturday I almost get sick to my stomach.  I AM NOT READY.  As difficult as it seemed last time around...it doesn't even compare to now.  I jumped into this wanting to have amazing results.  And it just hasn't happened.  When I started running again after the accident, it was difficult.  My body literally had done nothing for almost 4 months.  The muscles in my legs and arms were weak and I was frail.  But, I signed up knowing that it would just come back to me.  I could start running again and build those muscles back up.  That did happen, slowly but surely.  As discouraging as it was to run with the people I was training with, I kept going.  Always the slowest, always running less miles. I kept going.  Eventually there came a point where I started to feel a little better, a little more confident.  Maybe I got a little ahead of myself, maybe I tried to push it too hard, maybe I just wasn't ready to take on a task such as this.  But I wanted to prove to myself that I could come back from my accident and accomplish this.  And now...I'm just scared.

My shin splints are not healed.  And, unfortunately I had a little set back in my healing process which caused my severe dizzies and nausea to return for several days.  The nausea from that has faded, but the intensity of my dizzy spells hasn't calmed down to where they were before. 

I have ran only two times in the last 4 weeks.  I have tried to keep my cardio and endurance up with biking...but running is just different.  The farthest I had ran before my shins decided to get all stupid on me was 8 miles.  5 less than what the race is.  This is not what I had planned. 

But still, I am holding out a tiny bit of...

Hope...that my legs will just keep moving even if they are only crawling.  Hope...that I can talk myself through the pain and negative thoughts that will be swimming in my head.  Hope...that I will just be OK.  Hope...that no matter what it takes, I will cross that finish line.

It is absolutely not what I had planned...but it is what it is and I can't change it.  So, I am gonna put on my running gear, tape up my shins, pin on my bib and finish this journey.  I know that the only person I will be racing against is myself.  That may be the biggest challenge of all.

Unfortunately, I will probably not finish faster than the last time like I wanted to.  But, I will finish. I will finish.  I.  WILL.  FINISH. 

The best part about being the last of all the people I know that are running to cross the finish line is knowing that they will all be there at the end to cheer me on, to hug me and tell me how proud they are of me.  That right there will be worth the pain.

Gold 'N Joy

I made my husband accompany me to a little concert in Olympia last week.  Marvin Goldstein and Vanessa Joy.  Vanessa was an Olympia resident until moving to Arizona.  While there, she was discovered by Marvin Goldstein and he snatched her up and has taken her around the world.  How sweet that would be.

They entertained us with humor, show tunes and costume changes.  We were totally blown away with the way Marvin's fingers danced across the piano keys.  Vanessa's voice was very powerful and clear.  My favorite song that she sang that night was "Rain On My Parade."  It struck a cord with me and she delivered it with a lot of passion.

Part of the show was a group of local kids doing some songs from different musicals they had performed.  My niece, Haley was part of the group. It was fun to see her up on stage.  She couldn't stop smiling.  I think she really enjoyed herself.

After the intermission, we changed seats and got a good view of the hand work.  We could have listened to him play all night.  He did medley's of "Fiddler on the Roof,"  "Man From Snowy River," "Phantom of the Opera," and a "Star Spangled Banner" kind of medley (along with others).  His humor really made the show though.  It was subtle, not over done and just made me giggle.

We had the opportunity to meet and talk with Marvin afterwards.  Vanessa was a little bombarded with long time friends, so we didn't have the chance to meet her.  The upper picture, he is actually standing on his tip-toes.  He almost stood on the bench behind us so he wouldn't look shorter than me.

I really love being able to go to things like this.  To hear people's stories and understand a little more of who they are when I listen to their music.  It was a lovely evening that ended with eating way too much food at Applebee's.

Welcome to CAMPFIRE CORNER!

  I decided it was time to have an official fire pit to gather, roast marshmallows and sing Kumbiya around. Although it's not an actual 'pit', it does the job.  Doug and my father-in-law love when I have ideas like this because it means they get to participate.  They almost jumped for joy when I told them what I wanted. 

It worked out perfectly, in my opinion.  We already had the rocks, provided by our lovely back yard Newakum river.  My father-in-law had picked up the boards a few years ago from a lumber mill in hopes of building benches and a table.   And the stumps were from a couple of dead trees we had cut down.  All we needed was some muscle, (which I willingly provided) and some really really big screws.

And...VOILA!!  Campfire Corner!

Projects always take longer than anticipated and it's not completely finished yet.  We still need to sink the stumps into the ground so they don't tip over.  The benches are quite heavy.

We had our inaugural roast on Saturday night. The day had been beautiful and although it wasn't too chilly or terribly dark when we started...we ended that way. We tried a different variety of s'mores. Reese's peanut butter cups instead of Hershey's chocolate. I enjoyed them immensely.



I am looking forward to spending late summer nights out here.  I think it will be a fabulous place where memories will be made with people we care about.  Makes me smile just thinking about it. 

HIGH 5!!

 Miss Jillian finally turned 5.  She went to the dentist a few days before her birthday and they asked her how old she was.  She answered with a very confident "I'm 4 and 8 quarters!"  And no one could tell her any different.

Her birthday landed on Memorial Day this year and was a bash full of lots of family and a big 'ol BBQ!  Thankfully the weather held out and was a pretty decent day for running all over the property and getting dirty.  Which, Jillian does extremely well.

I think by the stories I have shared about this little one, you have a good idea of who she is.  I am constantly blown away by her whit and sass. She is so theatrical and wouldn't surprise me at all if she tries out for plays and things when she's older.  A part of me wants to take her to auditions for commercials or something.  She has the personality of 4 people sometimes.  And I love everyone of them. 

 If there is any sort of reflecting surface...she is staring at herself, talking, acting, and posing.  Her favorite is the mixing bowl of my Kitchen Aid.  Man, what am I in for with her??

 She wanted a fruit roll up cake at first.  But then she said she wanted a volcano cake.  I went with the easier of the two and ended up with this thing.  I'm not really sure what to call it.  But Jillian was very disappointed about it not erupting.  Just couldn't pull it off.  It was a pretty enormous cake with 3 full layers and cream cheese pudding in between them.  Besides one of the cakes have a little extra oil in the mix, this monster tasted pretty good.  So...looks can be deceiving.

She is way excited to go to kindergarten next year and is very proud that she is 'older.'  I am enjoying watching her grow and change.  There is so much of how she is right now that I hope she keeps as the years pass.  I think she is pretty dang beautiful and I am so thankful that she is happy and healthy!  In one of the very first blog posts I did, I talked about her.  I described how she is the spark of the family...but hoped she wasn't the kind of spark that would set the house on fire.  So far...so good!!