The Sound of Silence

(running ipod-less)

I always have my ipod when I run by myself.  In fact, I don't really like to run without it.  It's my little handy-dandy companion, my rhythmic motivation. I love to have those up-beat songs carry me through a run and help my mind concentrate on the words and the beat rather than the pain.

When I headed out for a run this morning, I was companion-less.  Not doing a lot of running lately, I don't really know where my ipod is.  But, I couldn't let that stop me from getting back on the horse.  So, I did a little stretching and then got my legs started.  It was 6 in the morning...no one around...just me.  Without those little buds shoved into my ears, I could hear everything around me.  The birds were chirping and a few cows were bellowing.  Every once in a while I heard a distant car drive by.  But the sounds I heard the most, were the sounds of me.  My shoes hitting the pavement, the wind blowing through my ears,  my breathing...my heartbeat...my thoughts.  I felt really connected to ME.  It was odd and exhilarating at the same time.  It felt almost cleansing.  I have a lot of conversations with myself while running and today was no exception.  But it was a deeper conversation without the background music.  There are so many things that I need to purge from my life.  So many weaknesses and barriers and negative thoughts that I need to overcome.  And after this run...I feel like I might actually be ready to do that.  Or at least try, anyway.  The thing that I'm afraid of though, is letting these feelings fade.  I, like most people, decide that I'm going to be better and do better and get all worked up and motivated...and than BAM!  It's gone.  I don't want that to happen.  So, I'm thinkin', maybe I won't bother trying to find my ipod.  Maybe I will run alone for a while.  Maybe I will use my runs as my silent reminder of doing things differently.  And if I am able to have that reminder every time I run...these feelings might last a little longer.