HOPE

So, I've been MIA.  There is a perfectly good explanation for that.  My computer is on the fritz.  Holy viruses.  We finally took it in and 200 bones later, it's still not functioning correctly.  So, I am on my husbands laptop.  I have so much to catch up on, but I feel I need to do this post first.  Something is compelling me to do this.

I have been 'down in the dumps' lately.  I won't go into the sobbing details, but I've just been a bit of a 'hot mess.'  I have pinned it to my father dying.  Maybe I will give those details another time.  Ever since I got back from his funeral, things have been different.  I have been different.  Of course, having the husband that I do, he has been trying to be patient and loving and caring and every bit compassionate.  But he can't fix me. 

A few weeks ago, Douglas asked me to speak in sacrament meeting.  I accepted, as I always do.  Then I asked the topic.  "HOPE"  MMM....maybe I should have asked before saying yes.  How could I give a talk when HOPE was exactly the opposite of what I was feeling?  I stewed over it for several days and just like in my usual  procrastinating style, didn't start writing my talk until 11 P.M. Saturday night.  I have never shared the talks that I have given other than when I stand up on Sundays and do it.  I am sharing my exact talk for an unknown reason to me.  I'm following an impression, people!  Turns out, writing and giving this talk was just what I needed.

So, here it goes...

Hope is a hot topic this time of year, as it should be.  Christmastime brings out hope in most people.  Hope for mankind, for Christmas miracles.

According to me, I think there are two kinds of hope.  You've got your 'every day typical kind of hope' and then you have your 'eternal perspective kind of hope.'

The dictionary defines the 'every day typical kind of hope' as "the emotional state which promotes the belief in a positive outcome related to events and circumstances in one's life. Hope is the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn our for the best or the act of looking forward to something with desire and reasonable confidence or feeling that something desired may happen.  Other definitions are to cherish a desire with anticipation, to desire with expectation of obtainment or to expect with confidence."

I was a very typical little girls with my own set of hopes and dreams.  One of which was to be a dancer.  When my oldest sister would come home from college, my little sister and I would perform dance routines that we had spent hours and hours rehearsing for her.  I would beam with pride when she would express her amazement at my rhythmic moves.

I also had hopes of becoming a famous singer.  I used the typical hair brush microphone while staring at myself in the mirror practicing just the right facial expressions and finger points at my imaginary audience.  I was a pretty spectacular performer.

There was one other thing.  I hoped to become a writer.  That all started when I plagiarized a story about a dinosaur when i was in the 3rd grade and read it in front of the class as my own.  One of my classmates called me out on it and I totally denied it.  The guilt was overwhelming and I chose to write my own stories from then on.  I have actually found some stories that I wrote when I was around 9 years old and had tears streaming down my face.  Not because they were touching in any way, but because of the laughter they ignited.  I hope no one ever finds those stories.  So embarrassing.  But as my writing got more serious in high school, I set a goal to write a novel by the time I was 25.  I am 32 years old now.  I am not a dancer.  I am not a famous singer, and I have note written that novel.  Has my hope for those things disappeared?  I'll answer that question a little later.

As the person I am today, what are my hopes?  Some are personal but most remain somewhat typical.  Every day I put my feet on the floor and hope to be a better mom to my children, and a better wife to my husband.  I hope to be a better friend.  I hope to be a better child of my Heavenly Father.  I hope to get my house clean, not yell at my children, finish projects that have been haunting me for years, organize my unorganized life, spend more time in the scriptures and more time praying.  I hope to get a workout in AND a shower, to be strong enough to avoid those cookies in the cupboard and candies in the dish!  I hope to learn to play the guitar.  I hope for my children's futures.  I hope, I hope and I hope.  And most days I go to bed feeling unaccomplished, discouraged and just not good enough because I have failed at pretty much all of that.  And that is the moment when Mr. Lucifer sneaks in and tells me that I shouldn't hope at all.  That I am, in fact, hopeless.  I am not strong.  How do I get up the next day and combat those feelings of hopelessness that loom over me?  Those feelings that are sometimes so overpowering they paralyze and desire to keep going.  Perhaps through that 'eternal perspective kind of hope.'

Elder Dieter F. Uchdorf said in a Conference talk in 2008 "The things we hope in sustain us during our daily walk.  They uphold us through trials, temptations, and sorrow.  Everyone has experienced discouragement and difficulty.  Indeed, there are times when the darkness may seem unbearable.  It is in these times that the divine principles of the restored gospel we hope in can uphold us and carry us until, once again, we walk in the light.  We hope in Jesus the Christ, in the goodness of God, in the manifestations of the Holy Spirit, in the knowledge that prayers are heard and answered.  This type of hope in God, His goodness and His power refreshes us with courage during difficult challenges and gives strength to those who feel threatened by enclosing walls of fear, doubt, and despair.  Hope sustains us through despair.  Hope teaches that there is reason to rejoice even when all seems dark around us.  With Nephi I declare: 'Press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men.  Wherefore, if  ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.'  This is the quality of hope we must cherish and develop.  Such a mature hope comes in and through our Savior Jesus Christ. To all who suffer - to all who feel discouraged, worried, or lonely - I say with love and deep concern for you, never give in.  Never surrender.  Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.  Embrace and rely upon the hope of Israel, for the love of the Son of God pierces all darkness, softens all sorrow, and gladdens every heart."

Now there is a definite difference in the gospel definition of hope compared to the dictionary.  On the church website it says that hope is...the confident expectation of and longing for the promised blessings of righteousness.  The scriptures often speak of hope as anticipation of eternal life through faith in Jesus Christ.  The word hope is sometimes misunderstood.  In our everyday language, the word often has a hint of uncertainty.  For example, we may say that we hope for a change in the weather or a visit from a friend.  In the language of the gospel, however, the word hope is sure, unwavering, and active.  When we have hope, we trust in God's promises.  We have a quiet assurance that if we do "the works of righteousness," we "shall receive our reward, even peace in this world, and eternal life in the world to come" (D&C 59:23).  Mormon taught that such hope comes only through the Atonement of Jesus Christ: "What is it that ye shall hope for?  Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise" (Moroni 7:41)  The principle of hope extends into the eternities, but it also can sustain us through the everyday challenges of life. "Happy is he," said the Psalmist, "that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the Lord his God" (Psalm 146:5).  With hope, we can find joy in life.  We can "have patience, and bear with...afflictions, with a firm hope that ye shall one day rest from all your afflictions" (Alma 34:41).

I know that it is important to hope for things in your life.  To have desires and goals and dreams.  Those should never go away.  But it is also important to have an eternal perspective of hope.  For with that eternal perspective of hope, the every day kind of hope changes and becomes more bearable when it is not achieved. 

With whom shall our deepest hopes lie?  With whom do we hope to reside with after this life?  Who has hope in us?  Our Savior and our Heavenly Father.

Now to answer the question I asked earlier.  Have the hopes of my childhood disappeared?  The dancer, the singer, the writer.  No, they have not.  The reality of it is, those hopes and dreams have been fulfilled in a way.  You see, I dance with my children and husband in the kitchen and dining room.  I am a dancer.  I sing with and to my children and husband and yes, on occasion I still sing into a hair brush in front of the mirror, finger point at the audience and all.  I am a singer.  And although I haven't written that novel, I write about my life on a blog and through poetry.  I am a writer.  Sometimes your hopes don't come out exactly like you planned.  The key is to finding happiness in how they did turn out and understanding what your eternal hopes should be.  And the only way that that is possible is through our Savior, Jesus Christ.

I have a testimony of this gospel.  I believe it, I respect it, and I hope to live it better.  I know my Heavenly Father wants me to be happy.  He wants me to turn to him in those moments of hopelessness and fight through it with Him by my side.  I know my Savior lives.  His birth that we celebrate at this time of year brought about the greatest hope of all.  And lastly may I mention with a solemn heart, in the mists of the horrific tragedy in Connecticut that we have been witness to, may we continue to hope and pray for those affected.