THE REST OF THE STORY...

I have been thinking and working on this post for a few weeks now, and it's like I'm at a loss for words.

When something like this happens, it's hard to put it into words.  To describe it to the point where people understand. And it's also hard to remember all that happened.  My emotions are a bit unstable and when I start thinking about the entire experience....well...I cry.

When Doug and I got home from the hospital, he lead me and my spinning, swollen head carefully to the bedroom where my bed and I started our love/hate relationship. We spent the rest of that day sleeping.  Heidi had taken my kids to her house, so it was just us.  I wasn't in a whole lot of pain at this point and didn't want to take any pain meds because of how they make me feel.  One of the reasons for the lack of pain was because of the nerve damage that was done.  I was numb from the upper right side of my lip all the way up to the middle of my scalp.  I was grateful for the numbness. Until my head would itch and I couldn't feel the scratching...torture!

Later on that evening, Heidi brought the kids back.  They walked quietly into my room. They hadn't seen me yet and I was still pretty out of it.  My sweet Savannah started crying immediately and saying how sorry she was that I got hurt.  Jillian and Isabelle had a whole lot of questions and hugs and kisses for me.  And my Payton hugged me, told me that he loved me and quickly left the room.  Doug found him upstairs crying.  He expressed to his Dad how he didn't like to see me hurt.

By Friday, the swelling in my eye had gone down enough for me to open it. I had a little bit of blurry and double vision from the swelling, but other than that, my eye was fine. But the dizziness...oh the dizziness is what kept me from doing things. It was almost like my brain was delaying. I would turn my head, and then my brain would turn...and turn...and turn. The song "I'm so dizzy, my head is spinning.  Like a whirlpool it never ends.." kept coming into my mind. The nausea was...well, nausea. I was hardly eating anything and I was crying.  A lot.  Anytime someone would come see me. Tears.  Anytime I would think about how much my husband was doing for me. Tears.  Anytime, for any reason. Tears.  I guess it was more like uncontrollable sobbing. I was already an overly emotional person. I didn't think it was possible to be more so.  But.  I.  Was. (still am, actually)

The swelling and bruising moved into my other eye.  At this point, Doug said I was looking like an Avatar.

Word spread pretty fast about the accident, and we were inundated with phone calls, messages, prayers, visits, offers to take care of the kids,  cards and meals.  I've said it before, but I have never felt so loved by so many people in my life.  I was so touched by every one's willingness to help and how much they cared.  I loved all the effort that people made to make sure I knew they were thinking about me. 

The swelling started moving down my face and gave me sort of a jowl.  Chewing food was near impossible because of the pressure it would put on the fractures.  I was spending all day...every day in bed.  I would have to call Doug in when I needed to use the bathroom.  And showering was an interesting event.  We put a stool in the shower and Doug would stay there making sure I wasn't falling over.  The "dizzies" (which is my name for the constant brain turning) were just crazy! 

 This was a particularly bad day. 

Looks like I had iodine all over my face.

After about a week of doing nothing I was getting pretty sick of it.  So, one evening, I got up...very slowly.  I was feeling terrible at the fact that Doug was doing everything.  Laundry, dishes, cleaning, taking care of the kids and still trying to do his day job.  Thankfully meals were being brought it from members of our ward, so that was one less thing he had to worry about.  But I felt guilty.  I went into the family room and started picking up a few things.  I was moving the speed of a snail.  Actually slower than that.  I shuffled into the kitchen and started wiping down the counters.  And then...I was overcome by the strangest sensation.  I have never really passed out before.  Obviously I was knocked unconscious in the accident, but I don't remember that.  Things started to feel distant and I could no longer stand.  My legs started buckling and I was falling.  I had started calling out for Doug and thankfully he was right behind me.  He caught me in his arms and slowly laid me down on the cold tile floor.  Waves of blackouts kept coming and going.  I laid there for a good 15 minutes or so. I went back to bed and the nausea began.  I spent the night vomiting, which is horrible in and of itself.  But with a broken face it's amazingly painful!  The next morning I was supposed to be going back to Harborview to meet and talk with the surgeons.  We thought about cancelling...but I just wanted it done.

So, we went.  Very early morning for us.  My appointment was at 8:30 and we had to drive 2 1/2 hours to get there.  It was a very long drive. I brought my bowl to puke in...just in case. It seemed that the episode I had the night before just intensified everything. More dizzy.  More nausea.  More  miserable.

We got through the snowy roads and to the hospital in pretty good time.  It was the day before Thanksgiving but we had left early enough that the roads weren't bust yet. We did the valet parking and asked to parking attendant to bring me a wheelchair because there was no way I was walking.  The attendant came back with one of the biggest wheelchairs I have ever seen.  I felt like a little kid in this thing with my legs dangling.  Doug and I laughed at this.  We wheeled our way through a very complicated building and met with the surgeon.  He told me I needed surgery to repair my cheekbone.  I met with an optimologist to clear my eye issues and did all of the pre-op registration.  But the biggest thing for me this day was when the doc prescribed me little magical patches for my nausea.  They are sea sick patches that you place behind your ears that make the nausea go away.  The ride home was longer (the traffic) but better because of the magic patches!

(Some of the lovely flowers that were brought to me by some lovely people.)

Though the magic patches took my nausea away, they had some side effects.  Dry mouth.  So dry that when I would drink water, the water didn't even feel wet.  And my throat stung.  It also caused my bottom lip to explode in cold sores.  The pictures don't really capture them, but they were pretty impressive.

This picture makes Doug laugh.  This was the day before surgery...

Of course, just when I was starting to look somewhat normal...I go under the knife.  I've never had surgery before and the nerves were hitting me pretty good.  All the doctors and nurses were super nice and informative.  They took good care of me.  They told me of the different possibilities that this surgery could have. Screws, plates, and extra incisions under my eye.  And they said it would take about 1 1/2 hours to do.

They marked me up...

Put on this very stylish cap...

and went to work.

(If you look close enough...you can see that my right cheek is flatter than my left.)

After surgery pictures...so awesome!

45 minutes later the surgeon came and told Doug that everything went fantastically.  The only incision that was made was up under my upper right lip.  They had to cut the muscle away from the bone to get to it and just popped it right back into place.  Everything lined up perfectly and no pins or screws were needed.

A little background on why I think it went so well...

The Sunday before my surgery, my Bishop asked my ward to fast for me that my surgery would go well and that my recovery would be quick.  I was very overwhelmed and touched when I heard this.  It feels weird to be the one that people are doing this kind of thing for.  And I felt very undeserving.  Lots of other people joined in on the fast as well.  I believe that is why it went the way it did.  Lots of faith from lots of people.

I guess I was in a lot of pain and had a bit of nausea afterwards.  I was pumped full of several different kinds of medications...and fluids.  They had put a breathing tube in during the surgery and my throat was very raw as a result.  Note to self; after having a breathing tube in, DO NOT eat anything salty.  Specifically sea salt fries from Wendy's.  Just stick with the Frosty only.

I was supposed to stay overnight, but because everything went so smoothly they sent me home.  My discharge nurse was the best!  She took care of me like a mom and really seemed genuinely concerned about my well being.  I probably paid for them, but she sent me home with 2 hospital pillows to make the ride more comfortable.  Which...it did.  Thank you discharge nurse whose name I can't remember.

Well, if eating wasn't hard enough...it just got harder.  I had to continue my soft diet during which I consumed quite a few Frosty's.  I had to avoid sleeping on my right side and any sort of contact to my cheek.  Too much pressure would, obviously, push the bone back out of place.

So...back to bed I went.

I started to get a little nervous of getting bed sores and my body was sore from laying all the time.  I would get up to sit in the family room every once in a while though.

Unfortunately, the pain was super uncomfortable so I broke down and started taking the prescribed ocycodone.  After only 4 days my body was already developing, let's say...an 'increased desire' for more and a few nights of the most intense headaches I have ever had in my entire life (no exaggeration), I was done.  It only took about a day and a half to 'detox' myself.  Man those things are powerful!

Me and my crooked smile!

Two weeks after surgery.  Exactly 4 weeks after the accident.

The effects of the concussion were still happening and I was still moving very slowly, but I was making progress.  I decided that I was going for my first outing since it happened.  Payton and Savannah's school Christmas concert was on and I just didn't want to miss it.  I put on a pair of jeans, and some make up and we went.  I was exhausted, but thrilled to see my kids up there.  They were ecstatic that I was able to go. 

 One of the hardest things about this whole situation was feeling like I was missing out on life.  I felt very disconnected from everything.  I know that I was being prayed for, thought of, worried about, visited.  But, the loneliness and monotony starts to ware on you.  In those moments I would think about a few people that have suffered much worse things than what I was going through and how I wished that I would have shown those people more love and service in their time of need.

This was a bit of a turning point for me.  Thankfully I was able to go out and participate in getting things ready for Christmas.  Still had to be careful and didn't go or drive anywhere alone, but I was living a little.   I wore myself out every day before Christmas, but I was just so glad to be up and at 'em.  Because I hadn't really been using any muscles...whatsoever, I would get sore from just walking around and my knees were tender and tight.

Things were still numb from the accident and the surgery but slowly coming to life.  

Every once in a while I would get a little electric shock to different parts of my face.  Proof that the nerves were trying to reconnect.  Not very comfortable, but a good sign. 

About 3 weeks after surgery. Me with my surgeon, nurse Charlie and an intern at my post-op appointment.

I really wish I could remember names better...

When I was finally able to go back to church, I wasn't prepared for the overpowering emotions that came that day.  I was so overwhelmed with the most incredible feeling of love.  Everyone was so amazing and so happy to see me and I them.  Being with all those wonderful people again made me realize how important they all are to me.  Every one of them.  When the young women walked into the room for our lesson...I can't really put into words how I felt in those moments.  I love those girls and was so happy to be with them.  

There is no way that I will ever be able to express my gratitude to everyone who has helped me through this little incident.  I will hold onto every special moment that I shared with my friends, loved ones and family that I can.  I am so grateful for the time spent laying on my bed and couch with my friends beside me showing me support and making me laugh..and me making them cry.  Lots of people saw me at my worst.  A weak, un-showered emotional basket case.  But I am so blessed to be surrounded by true friends who just cried with me and saw me through it.  And are continuing to do so.

The most incredible thing about this has been my husband.  On top of doing everything and taking care of me and the kids...he has had to endure the effects that the concussion has had on my mental stability.  The doctor warned us that I would heal much faster on the outside than I would on the inside and it's so very true.   It's like I have the worst PMS ever...all the time.  I'm still healing.  My face feels weird and is still numb in places and the incision is healed but there is scar tissue and the muscles are so tight.  And I have headaches.  Every day.  And I get tired of it.  But there is Doug.  Always here, never complaining.  Happy to do things for me and sad when I am sad.  I have a greater love and appreciation for the person that he is.  I am truly blessed to have him.  Honored, to have him.  He has made this journey more bearable and I love him with every single bit of my soul.

I'm still having 'the dizzies' and not really able to do anything too physical. I've had a  few episodes of short term memory loss, I'm more irrational than I should be and carrying a little more crazy in my pocket then before...but I'm gonna be OK.    

It's been an interesting and humbling experience and obviously one that I will always remember. I've learned a lot...appreciate more...and see the deeper beauty in those around me. The love and support that was given to me and my family through this was nothing less than remarkably phenomenal.